Well, not just swearing, obviously… There’s a few other handy phrases too. But swearing’s cool. You can’t really go wrong with a good “Fuck off!”, can you?

“Spierdalaj! (Fuck off!) (.wav)
Basic Polish phrases on Anglik.net
Basic Polish language course (WikiBook)
Polish Wiktionary

TCTE’s favourite sweat-drenched one-man toy-assisted war-against-boredom music machine Kid Carpet - yes, he of the Carpet Megastore podcast - if off on tour! Not once… but twice!!! (Although I suspect the title may have taken some of the impact out of that shock announcement, but hey ho…)

Supporting Electric 6:
This Friday the 8th of June Newcastle Academy 2
Saturday the 9th Glasgow ABC
Sunday the 10th Sheffield Leadmill
Monday the 11th Nottingham Rescue Rooms
Tuesday the 12th London Cargo
Wednesday the 13th Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms
Thursday the 14th Bristol Thekla Social

Then Glastonbury, sometime, somewhere in Lost Vagueness

Headline tour (to promote The Kid’s Back):
Tuesday the 26th of June Birmingham Academy 2
Wednesday the 27th London Islington Academy 2
Thursday the 28th Chester Telfords Warehouse
Saturday the 30th Bristol Academy Official Launch Party
Monday the 2nd of July The Kids Back 7” was meant to come out
Wednesday the 4th Southampton Joiners Arms
Thursday the 5th Manchester Star & Garter

Says the Kid:

See how niftily I managed to fit it all around the wrong release date?
The Academy group offered me the three shows and I’m like – that’s fine, the brum and london ones are 200 or so capacity but bristol… that’s a 1600 capacity venue what on earth are you talking about??? They said – go for it lad. Curate a night, put a line up together that rocks and the night is yours…. So I decided to go for it. I’m a bit scared that there’ll be about 7 people there on the night and we’ll all be terribly embarrassed but I’ve got a funny feeling we might just pull it off.

So the full line-up for the Bristol Academy show is summat like this (in Kid’s own words)…

Kid Carpet
3hostwomexicansandatinofspanners – bristol fugazi punk incredible brilliant
Bellatrix – Lady beatboxer. The most amazing beatboxer you ever heard. Amazing. And she’s just collaborated with me on a remix of Make It Look Good
Le Pants – All girl multi costume dance routine comedy nonsense with big videos. The best band in the world and on the big stage will be just brill
DJs from Octopussy, Cuisine, Normalise and BBC Bristol Uncovered.
The Squeaky Hill Collective will be causing mischief, running amok and doing stupid party games.
Jeff, the mighty cult of Jeff. The big man. Jeff will be our compere for the evening and has agreed to wear a suit.

“Tidy night of the wrongest joy if you ask me. 9-2pm. £6 in. Bingo. Please come to my party its gonna be fun.”

£6? £Sixfugginquid?!?!?!

See yas there

Kid Carpet’s website
Kid Carpet on MySpace
Carpet Megastore on MySpace

Calling all TCTE sleeper cells in Southern Yurp and Nord Afrika: code red convergence on Toulouse, France, on Thursday 28th June…

The Teacher: KRS-One
The Raporter: Tchad Unpoe

Première Pression, Le Ramier, Toulouse Centre
Info: 05 34 30 17 48

KRS-One website // KRS-One MySpace
Tchad Unpoe website // Tchad Unpoe MySpace

An EXCLUSIVE rundown for TCTE of everything me and my mate Andy saw at Venn on Saturday

Aufgehoben

Venn says:
AUFGEHOBEN are, hands down, one of Britain’s most exciting bands. Double drummer attack, scorching electronic shock therapy plus amazingly rhythmic guitar freak Gary Smith. This is only their fourth show in eight years. Momentous, clattering and with that propulsive heavy live funk that can drive you mad. Fearless, warped and uncaged beast music.

Andy says:
Just fucking pretentious, really, everything I hoped we’d lost back in the 70s.

I says:
Like having a big satisfying shit in the morning to set you up for the day. Pleasantly loud. Sadly lacking in tunes. I had thought, ‘”Double drummer attack”? Cool, it’ll be like Adam & The Ants!’ Unfortunately they were more like Genesis. Twice.

Bellatrix

Venn says:
BELLATRIX is Bristol-based and a seriously dexterous Beatboxer (the only female at the UK Beatbox Championships). She will be playing two jawdrop sets at Venn. At Thekla she plays with the Tenor sax player Josh Arcoleo. Bella will be abusing a live loop machine to layer up her vocal tricks, bass playing and cornet licks into wild grooves.
Then she returns in club mode, with mouth, mic and a tonnage of tunes, covers and original beatbox compositions. Oh yes. Party time, in true Venn ’07 kaldescopic, mulit-funktional stye. Vocal percussion all over your face. Beat crazy.

Andy says:
Iwould have liked more Bella, less tricks. And I can’t work out whether sax playres are good or whether it’s just saxophones sound good no matter what. And she sounds well posh, mummy and daddy surely didn’t pay all that money on her education for her to be doing this did they?

I says:
Very enjoyable grooves, though more with the live looping than that much actual beatboxing. She briefly lost her concentration and had to reloop some bars, which made it a bit more jazz than I’d have liked, but overall I liked it a lot, especially when she was mixing in the bass guitar and the cornet along with the sax dude.

Sleb spotting:
Mild-mannered, impressively-locked bearded man of breakcore & dubstep Ironside was there (well, I think twas him), and he seemed to enjoy it - so much so he took his hat off!!!

My Two Toms

Venn says:
Duel Banjo good times from this un-troublesome pairing. A perfect match for drinking, arm wrestling, sewing, front porch chitter chatter and kissing. Sweet tunes and favorites of Herman Dune.

Andy says:
Really good!

I says:
Really good!

SJ Esau

Venn says:
SJ ESAU’s signing to Californian label Anticon is the best Bristol music news of the millennium, and it screams such perfect sense: few artists in the world more vividly echo the US collective’s idiom of ‘being yourself in your bedroom with a beat running’, as Dose One would have it.
Recently reissued album ‘Wrong Faced Cat Feed Collapse’ grandly demonstrates Sam Wisternoff’s explorations into loop-happy, heartscrapingly personal 21st Century popsong, but, truly, you owe yourself the SJ Esau live encounter: so irresistably humble and bare are his words and sounds, it’ll almost feel like he owes you it too.

Andy says:
Now he is brilliant, I like how he makes out he’s a bit clumsy and that, forgetting things, some great tunes too.

I says:
Top stuff, very nice indeed.

Sleb spotting:
Children’s toy abuser, multi-talented musician/rock god, podcaster extraordinaire and a man who has single-wristedly made sweatbands fashionable once more, Mr Kid Carpet appeared to be present and correct, enjoying the music and sporting a spiffing haircut!

Dr Joel

Venn says:
DR JOEL infuses Ivor Cutler, Shelia Chandra, John Lennon and Bugs Bunny into his airy Indian/English songs, which he plays on keyboard, ankle bells and with South Indian classical vocal percussion. Jolly up yourself.

Andy says:
This is terrible, let’s try downstairs.

I says:
Well, I liked it.

Ghostigital

Venn says:
GHOSTIGITAL’s Einar Örn Benediktsson may as well be christened ‘Mr Venn’. As part of chaos-pop collective The Sugarcubes with Bjork from 1986, he brought a freeform rap element to the most influential Icelandic band ever to exist. When the band went on an amicable and undefined hiatus in 1992 (how often does THAT happen?) Orn created the first internet cafe in his home country, before recording one record for FatCat as Grindverk. Then, in 2003, came Ghostigital with his producer comrade Curver: albums on Honest Jon’s and Ipecac and work with Mark E. Smith and Dalek followed.
It’s an astonishing live spectacle with a colourful musical canvas that takes in spiteful electro, juddering hip hop and rugged rock terrain, onto which Orn splays his deranged, delirious thoughtspeak. ‘The fun bit’, he says, ‘is whether I remember where I am, lyrics or what I am’.

Andy says:
This is awful, it’s just noise! Let’s try the Louisiana…

I says:
Dude, you’re getting old!

Sleb spotting:
The afore-mentioned Kid Carpet & SJ Esau deep in conspiratorial hugger-mugger. Oh, and a woman I remember from a free party - Jude’s birthday do, around 1998 iirc, in a field in Flax Bourton, Ed & Ben from the pre-DMT record shop were there, a geodesic tent that wouldn’t go up, missing sound system, lots of nitrous, a fire, fun and frolics but no tunes till 9 in the morning - anyhow, I’m sure it was her! Has a lovely laugh. Damn, this is going to do my head in now. Can’t for the life of me remember her name

The Master Chaynjis

Venn says:
THE MASTER CHAYNJIS are the nu-song heroes of Bristol’s indie scene, playing gypsy-esque songs about drinking, thinking and being outside the box. Haunting lyrical voices and handy instrumentation make for good, if unsteady times.

Andy says:
“Gypsy-esque songs about drinking, thinking and being outside the box”?! I’m going to the toilet.

I says:
Thoroughly enjoyable, boisterous stuff. Definitely digging the chug-a-lug grooves, the singer has a nice line in the plaintive warbling, and I *blushes* rather like the violinist too, though the fingerless lace gloves might be prejudicing me. But if that bloke standing next to me tells me one more time how much they sound like fucking Japan (”…You know! David Sylvian!!!“) then I really might have to scream, and not in a sexy way.

Sleb spotting:
Erm… Artist/curator/zine queen Lady Lucy? I think I saw her. I had been drinking, however. I had to switch to teh cola

Adrian Orange And The Child Slave Rebellion

Venn says:
ADRIAN ORANGE AND THE CHILD SLAVE REBELLION was formerly known as Thanksgiving. So the man of mystery arrives on the shores of Venn to treat those that can imagine Will Oldham being backed by an afrobeat ensemble to good times. He is gonna sing at you and you will want to sing back, because these songs are wonderful. Preach from his songbook and no sinning.

Andy says:
I have to catch me bus in a bit, shall we go?

I says:
I can’t really remember anything, I shoulda switched to soft drinks earlier But I’m fairly certain I liked what I heard. I don’t remember my ears bleeding or anything.

It’s this weekend! (As in, starts Thursday 31st May, ends Sunday 3rd June )

Featuring the likes of… Cheeba! Bellatrix! Bronnt Industries Kapital! SJ Esau! Morningstar! Vexkiddy! Etc! Etc! Etc!!!

Stacks of interesting musicashizzle across loads of venues (Arnolfini, Clockwork, the Croft, the Cube, the Louisiana, Thekla and the Tube), £7-8 per day (except Saturday, which is £14 all in, or £8 per half). Bargain!

2007 ARTISTS
A Hawk And A Hacksaw with The Hun Hangár Ensemble
Faust with Colin Potter
Luke Vibert
Spring Heel Jack with M Sanders and J Spaceman
Jason Forrest Band
Paavoharju
Vladislav Delay
KTL
Green Gartside (Scritti Politti)
Extreme Noise Terror
Lawrence
Quadrode (Portishead/Goldfrapp)
Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip
Ted Milton ‘Odes’
Ghostigital (Sugarcubes)
Jack Rose
Adrian Orange
Baby Dee
V.I.
Thee, Stranded Horse
Arrington de Dionyso
Manyfingers
Aufgehoben
Yellow Swans
Goodiepal
Islaja
Maher Shalal Hash Baz
Luomo
The One Ensemble Orchestra
Justice Yeldham
Directorsound
Morningstar
Anni Rossi
Safety Scissors
Bellatrix
Robin Fox & Anthony Pateras
Ignatz
Sleeping States
Richard Carnage
Dr Joel
My Two Toms
CooperJones
Voe
Fuzz Against Junk
Octopussy
Vexkiddy
Alex Neilson
Levenshulme Bicycle Orchestra
My Two Toms
SJ Esau
Chipper
Freeze Puppy
Cheeba
Motor Ghost
Normalise
Silver Pyre
plus many more acts, DJs, art & workshops

If you’re going, let me know, mebbe we can hook up

Venn Festival website

A once-secret bunker, located 60 meters beneath central Moscow, opens to the public and may soon contain a museum devoted to the Cold War. The entrance to the Tagansky Protected Command Point is concealed in an unassuming 19th century building. You’re given a paper pass by the guard, then taken on a high-speed elevator down to the formerly secret headquarters located 60 meters underground.

You can read all about it here.

If you’re the kind who stays in doors you can now see the world with your internets. A Bird’s Eye View Of is a directory of webcam from all over the world. You can even control some of them which is pretty nifty. The Tyne Bridge webcams are pretty cool but you can’t control them. There’s also cameras in the middle of nowhere pointing at nothing but trees!

Lastly here is a wicked video which was never released as they (Radiohead) rather they just spread out on the internets.

If you’re off to Glastonbury this year you may like to keep an eye on the long range weather forecast. Of course it is a load of bollocks. 50% chance of rain? That’s not really an answer is it. Anyway it will get more accurate as weeks go by so we’re told.

Since I’m going I am also going to do a small report for the site with photos and a report when I get back….. wooo!

Soreenkid

hicfest_leaflet1.pdfhicfest_leaflet1.pdf

Why not abuse my position to plug something I’m involved with?

Check out the programme in pdf form which should be attached if I’ve figured this out right.

Last weekend Team Coolest stormed the citadel that is Attic in Bristol for the totally spiffing night Eclectic Kettle, which is run by those equally spiffing chaps at WoBcast.

Another memorable night, both in terms of the fine, fine music (though I’m feeling green thinking about Modern Romance right now), and of how not to run a bar Some top mad deejay sklliz from residents Juxtaposeur, andrewherring and DJ Lumpy, and guest DJ Bloodworth from top Bristol ska hop band Babyhead added a dubbier dimension than normal.

Meanwhile the night’s other platter-player, Tim BearCub aka DJ No No, has recreated his ace set for his latest Radio Clash podcast!

You can also check Tim’s pics of the night at his Flickr page.

And for those who didn’t get down, or didn’t get down early enough (or just plain lost/forgot/ate it), you can now download the Eclectic Kettle CD given away to early doors punters from here.

It’s a fine collection of some of the best tunes played over the last year on WoBcast to celebrate its first birthday, including tracks by TCRE favourites like DJ Schmolli, Kid Carpet and The Fall.

So, all in all, a great time was had by all, etcizzle.

Here’s to the next one!

Links:
WoBcast homepage
Eclectic Kettle on MySpace
CoolestWiki on WoBcast (includes tracklistings for all their shows)
Radio Clash homepage
Babyhead homepage